seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
