I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
