Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
