And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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