LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
