i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
