I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
