did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
