I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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