i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
