the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
