On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
