I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
