the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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