i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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