he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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