Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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