I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
