How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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