Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
