She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There r osticjed everywhere
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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