Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
