Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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