i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
