Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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