Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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