I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
