I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
