Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
