sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
