This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
