if only i could text you this smell
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
