I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
