She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
