FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
