Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
