woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
