Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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