you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
