im drinking this country out of the recession.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
