Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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