In the future we'll all be gay
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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