You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
