I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
