no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
