I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
