Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
