I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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