The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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