I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
