Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
40s are totally the cure
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
