i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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