make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this hospital has no fireball
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
