Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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