I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
