FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
