I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
