Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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